International Sales Plan

Inc has presidents, vice presidents, directors, managers, more vp's more directors, asst vp's, regional managers on and on and on and on. More degrees than you could possibly imagine, more salary spent, bonuses, office space, company cars, travel expenses ect ect ect..

Our competition is killing us with a target market, sales plan and an actual company wide direction.

Millions spent by inc on upper level management salaries and the best we have is a customer incentive program.. push it they say, push it...sign them up...corporate videos made, advertising campaigns internally, post cards, emails all to the sales groups, meetings, one on one pleads to push the campaign. at least a 50% sign up success..$millions spent..

Only one problem, marketing didn't check the list, never checks the list,  companies out of business, wrong account numbers, wrong phone numbers, addresses, emails, names ect. So all the money inc spends on the promotion is pissed away. yet the sales group is left to pick up the pieces, gets screamed at for not signing up enough people.

so our competition again has a plan, we give away water bottles and pens for customers who use our services. thats our plan.. hilarious.. that is the best our mgt came up with. water bottles and unusable pens... pathetic.

Internal Security

Our company has turned into Fort Knox, the OSS, CIA ,FBI and the KGB all rolled into one.. We have security cameras in the office, hallway and the snack rooms. they monitor my phone calls, emails, spies in the office report to management what the employees are saying, like they are 3rd grade brats. It would be comical if it wasn't so sad.

• security cameras: $50,000
• Internal phone monitoring system: $20,000
• computer monitoring access program: $ ongoing cost
• employee reaction- priceless

Other departments have moved into our off site location, setting up their own security system within our security system because what they do is much more important than any other other departments in the same building.  they are securing their desks from prowling eyes like mine. but wait one second- I can gain access to everything they do say see and produce right at my own desk via the computer.... another $100,000 pissed away.

heights--just for fun

http://www.break.com/index/taking-a-stroll-at-15-stories-up-2430618

The Greatest

Had our corporate meeting this morning- actually it was like a live video feed from the bigwigs.. 90 minutes of infomercial explaining to me how great my company is.. like I am some foreigner. 45+ minutes talking in a group setting with employees from all over the country about a corporate program only 10% of the overall employees know anything about.. just priceless... #1 in this #1 in that-- its all complete crap...

I will share you something that a customer sent to me-- its a little disconcerting but also quite humerous.

I was just advised by staff in my  office that the employee has been sexually harassing my staff. I was advised of numerous situations with very serious accusations and all witnessed by many different members of my staff. I will provide one example from just yesterday where he asked my employee Mary if she "knew what it felt like to be butt fucked".

Lunch Bandit

strikes again-- $50k spent on security cameras and Joanne's sandwich was stolen- the investigation must  begin anew. Inc america will spend another $20k on Hr filings/ reviewing tapes/ security guards..

Of course the rest of us saw Goldilocks smoking weed outside the office eating that very sandwich but hey, no need to confuse the situation with easy to understand facts.